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OPERATION PUKING COW
A K.M. Peterson film




Cast:

“Lilly” - Johanna

Ninja- Amelia

Rosalie- Katina

Mountain- Lindsey

Dew- Jennifer

Scotty/Director- Scott

DIRECTORS VERSION

















EXT. BACK PORCH- NIGHT

A large group of girls are laughing. They head out to the yard.

EXT. MY BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS

CAMERAGIRL
Hold on guys. I can’t even see you.

The nightshot is turned on.

CAMERAGIRL
(Laughing)
There, man you guys look creepy.

Suddenly GUNSHOTS erupt from the right of the camera.

CAMERAGIRL
What th-

Ninja cuts across the sight of the camera wielding two sai, CHAOS erupts.

The girls scatter, and Ninja attacks one, we glimpse her taking down the other person.

The CAMERAGIRL runs around, we hear loud breathing, she trips over a body and leaves the camera on the ground.

She makes it a few steps before being confronted by Martina who shoots her down in full view of the camera.

More screams and shots are heard as we shift realities.

Video is moved to a corner and words scroll by as they are read aloud by a newscaster

NEWSCASTER
This footage was recovered from the scene. X amount are dead and Y are injured.

FADE OUT

INT. PLACE WITH COUCHES AND TV- DAY

Two teens lounge on a couch, watching TV. Both wear Mountain Dew Shirts, and are drinking Mountain Dew.

DEW
Seriously when was the last time we had an assignment?

MOUNTAIN
37 days five hours and 28 minutes.

Dew gives mountain a funny look

MOUNTAIN
Or something like that.

Dew continues to stare at Mountain

MOUNTAIN
Hey look the news is on.

Dew continues to stare at Mountain for another moment before turning to look at the TV.

NEWS REPORTER
A group known only as the Y’s has claimed responsibility for the recent attack.

DEW
Wait, the Y’s? Didn’t we just get files on them?

Suddenly three file appear out of nowhere. Mountain/Dew pick them up and look at them. Mountain/Dew reacts to Files. They exchange looks.

DEW
This is it! This could be our big break, we just have to convince the Director. Nobody else has these files! We’ll finally have a mission again!

MOUNTAIN
Yeah, it’s been 37 days 5 hours and looks at watch 31 minutes.

DEW
Let’s go ask the Director!

There are three criminal profiles. Each one describes a separate member of the Y group.

EXT. THE CHURCH- DAY

MOUNTAIN
This is where the Director is?

DEW
He’s deep undercover, pretending to work here as a youth leader

Mountain nods seriously.

INT. CHURCH HALLWAY- CONT.

Mountain/Dew knock on a door.

SCOTTY
Password?

DEW
Beam me up Scotty.

SCOTTY
How do I know that you are not some terrorist who has kidnapped one of my agents and tortured the password out of them?

DEW
Well, you told me never to bring this up, but you like to wear this shirt that say’s-

SCOTTY
Alright you are who you say you are. Just don’t bring up my shirt. Or my mother. Or the fact that my mother is on that shirt. Pause you may enter.

He leaves the door cracked open. After a minute the Agents exchange a look and go in. We see a chair with the back to us. Scotty is in the chair.

INT. OFFICE- DAY- CONT.

SCOTTY
Sit.

Mountain Dew move to sit on the two chairs if front of the desk.
SCOTTY
Not those chairs.
They stop

SCOTTY
Those chairs.

Camera moves down to see two kid chairs. After exchanging a confused look Mountain/Dew sit down. An awkward beat. Then the chair turns around.

SCOTTY
Agent Mountain, Agent Dew. I havn’t seen the two of you in a long time. It must have been about a month or so ago, at the funeral.

Both agents look down at their feet.

SCOTTY
Yes. The funeral. It was such a shame to lose the twin sister of one of our best agents.

Mountain glances at Dew, who continues to look at the floor.

SCOTTY
So, what do you want?

MOUNTAIN
We would like to go on another mission.

SCOTTY
Yes I figured. I saw the news. It’s terrible isn’t it?

MOUNTAIN
Yes sir.

DEW
We have experience with these people sir. And I can tell you, nobody wants it more than I, I mean, we do.

SCOTTY
Perhaps.

DEW
Do you doubt that I want it?

SCOTTY
No. Just your level of experience

MOUNTAIN
Well we would have more experience if we had been given a mission in the last 37-

Dew Kicks Mountain to shut her up.

SCOTTY
Your answer is still no

MOUNTAIN
But-

SCOTTY
No. Now get out

DEW
We have the most-

SCOTTY
Stands up and looks meanacing Get out or I will throw you out.

Mountain/Dew get out.
DEW
How can he not put us on this assignment?

MOUNTAIN
So why don’t we do it?

DEW
Because we were told not to

MOUNTAIN
So?

DEW
You want to go haywire?

MOUNTAIN
I don’t see anything holding us back! We haven’t had a mission in 37 days!

DEW
And five hours-

MOUNTAIN
See! We can’t just wait. Soon this information won’t be any good.

DEW
and 57 minutes.

MOUNTAIN
We have to move now.

The two of them leave. Pan over to see Scott watching them. Scotty pulls out a cell phone.

SCOTTY
They’re on their way.

ROSALIE
Good. You will receive your package in two days.

SCOTTY
Are you sure this won’t trace back to me?

ROSALIE
It won’t. Neither one of them will survive.

SCOTTY
All right

INT. OFFICE WITH MANY COMPUTERS- DAY

Rosalie is at the computer. She has a headset on. There are two people in the room with her. Each is wearing a skimask.

ROSALIE
All right. They’re on their way

MARTINA
And the pizza?

ROSALIE
Also on its way

MARTINA
Excellent.

ROSALIE
They should be here in about ten minutes.

MARTINA
So, how many are dead?

ROSALIE
11.

MARTINA
Darn it! I wanted an even dozen.
Ninja is silent at the back of the room

ROSALIE
We’ll have to aim higher next time.

MARTINA
We could hit a Chuckie Cheese!
Ninja takes one step forward.

MARTINA
Oh, right, kids. Hmmmm….. What about a feminist TV station?

ROSALIE
Feminists sounds good.

They all nod. Then Rosalie’s computer beeps. She looks at it and types a bunch of things in.

ROSALIE
We have visual confirmation. They’re here.

MARTINA
Good. Ninja, you take the back. I’ll take the front. Rosalie, bring up the schematics.

Rosalie brings up a screen that shows a picture of the house.

ROSALIE
All right we’re good.

The other two start to head out

ROSALIE
Martina!

Martina turns around. Rosalie tosses her Martina’s phone.

ROSALIE
Stay in contact.

Martina nods. Rosalie puts on her headset and looks at the screen.
ROSALIE
And the Pizza should be here in about twenty.

EXT. DRIVEWAY- DAY

Agents. They get out of the car. They both take off their ID tags and throw them into the dirt.

DEW
You take the front. I’ll take the back.

The two of them split up. We follow Mountain as she takes the front.

EXT. FRONT DOOR- CONT. She pulls out a gun, and starts to open the door. Suddenly her gun is kicked out of her hand. She looks up to see Martina Y. A beat as the two exchange looks, then Mountain throws a punch at Martina Y. Martina easily dodges it, and then using Mountain’s momentum to throw her onto the ground. Martina then picks up Mountain’s gun and points it as her.

MARTINA
I could kill you now. But I’m going to save you for somebody else.

Martina takes the gun and whacks Mountain in the head with it. Rosalie looks at her screen and calls Martina. Martina answers.

ROSALIE
Ninja needs your help.

MARTINA
On it.

ROSALIE
And the pizza will be here soon.

MARTINA
Make sure no delivery person survives.

EXT. MY YARD AND AREA SURROUNDING IT

Martina runs around the house. We follow her and see her arrive just as Ninja is thrown to the ground. Dew turns and runs away. Martina runs past Ninja after Dew. Next we see several scenes of Martina Y, and Ninja chasing Dew.
Martina and Ninja stop and look around

MARTINA
Where is she?

Both are panting as they talk. Dew listening in behind a corner. Martina calls Rosalie.

MARTINA
Rosalie, where’s Dew?

MOUNTAIN
Rosalie can’t come to the phone right now. She’s a little tied up.

MARTINA
Who is this?

MOUNTAIN
Who do you think it is?

MARTINA
Mountain?

MOUNTAIN
No, Pepsi.

MARTINA
Oh, Pepsi!

MOUNTAIN
Shut up. I have your comrade, Rosalie. If you want her back, you’ll have to give me something in return.

MARTINA
I’m listening, but still confused, is this Pepsi, or Mountain?

MOUNTAIN
This is Mountain!

MARTINA
Right. What is it that you want?

MOUNTAIN
I want Ninja

Martina looks over at Ninja

MARTINA
Why?

MOUNTAIN
We have some, unfinished business.

MARTINA
Like what?

MOUNTAIN
Like, a pause, just stuff okay!

MARTINA
I’ll call you in a minute

Martina closes the phone

MARTINA
Mountain has Rosalie. She wants to trade her. For you.

Ninja stares at Martina for a minute. Then she does a ninja bow.

MARTINA
Why does she want you?

Ninja stares at Martina. Then Martina takes out her phone again.

MARTINA
All right, but seriously, what is it that you want with her?

MOUNTAIN
That is none of your business! Meet at the ditch in three hours.

Mountain closes the phone.

MARTINA
We’re meeting at the ditch in three hours

Ninja nods

MARTINA
But, the pizza will be delivered in a matter of minutes. With Rosalie out of commission, we’re going to have to take care of that ourselves.

INT. HALLWAY OF HOUSE- CONT.

They go back to the house and wait. The doorbell rings. Ninja answers it

PIZZA DELIVERY PERSON
Hi, I’ve got a pizza for-

Martina comes up behind Ninja shoots the delivery person Then she goes and picks up the pizza and looks inside.

MARTINA
They forgot the bacon again!

Martina then turns around and shoots the pizza person several times.

MARTINA
Argh!

EXT. THE DITCH- DAY
Flash forward to the meeting place. Mountain is already there. Rosalie is standing next to her, hands tied behind her back.

MOUNTAIN
Try anything and you die.

Then Ninja and Martina walk in, eating pizza.

MOUNTAIN
Where’d you get the pizza?

MARTINA
Do you really want to know?

MOUNTAIN
No, not really.

ROSALIE
Where’s mine?

MARTINA
We saved some for you. It’s back at the house.
MOUNTAIN
Enough! So, this is how it’s going to work. You will both put your weapons on the ground. Then Ninja and Rosalie will walk toward each other. If this doesn’t go smoothly, then I will not hesitate to shoot any of you.

DEW
And Neither will I.

Dew walks in with her gun pointed at Ninja and Martina

MARTINA
Oh Shiny.

Realizing that they are cornered they both raise their hands.

DEW
Kick your weapons over

They do

DEW
Get on the ground

They do. Dew Walks over to tie them up, but Ninja kicks her legs out from under her and then puts a knife to Dews throat. Martina calmly gets up.

MARTINA
I have a new proposition. Dew for Rosalie.

Before Mountain can respond Dew throws off Ninja and runs across to Mountain.

MOUNTAIN
I have another proposition, the same one as before.

A beat and then the two begin to walk forward. Very dramatic. Finally each is on the other side. Martina cuts Rosalie’s bonds and Ninja has a gun held to her head by Dew.
DEW
You can leave now.

The other two leave.


MOUNTAIN
Go.

DEW
What do you mean go?

MOUNTAIN
I have a score to settle.

DEW
Wait, this is-

MOUNTAIN
Yes! Now get out!

Dew leaves

Sequence that follows is done by Amelia and Lindsey. But it follows this basic outline,

MOUNTAIN
So, we meet again.

Ninja nods

MOUNTAIN
I suspect you want to kill me even more than I want to kill you.

Closeup on Ninja, who betrays little emotion

MOUNTAIN
You don’t talk much anymore. Perhaps that is because it was you talking that got him killed.

Ninja attacks, using her sais. After exchanging a few motions, they’re blades bring them face to face.

NINJA
My name is Man xu xiang xing xu you kill (or kiss we have yet to decide) my brother, prepare to die!

They break apart. They fight some more, eventually Ninja kills Mountain. Then Ninja walks away. Pan over then to Dew who runs back over to Mountain. Dew freaks out that Mountain is dead. Dew then decides to take her revenge on Martina

Next scene is done by Jennifer and Johanna, but follows this outline.

Dew comes running into the room and Martina is already waiting for her.

MARTINA
You have come to kill me.

DEW
Mountain is dead! My twin sister is dead! Soon, you’re going to join them.

They fight Dew loses. Martina then joins Ninja and Rosalie they eat pizza and everything ends.

CREDITS

Then we see Mountain get up.

End